Competition
As far back as I can remember I had to win. It didn't matter if it was a video game against my brother, a card game against grandma, a baseball game in Little League, a test in school, a contest of popularity, or a race to see who could eat the fastest. I had to be the first, the best, number one. I guess you could say that competition is a part of how I operate. I compete in almost everything. I push myself on daily runs. I play as hard as I can no matter if it is practice, a game, or a tournament. I try my hardest whenever I can.
This is both a great attribute and tricky characteristic. It means that you can count on me to always be busting my butt for you in relationship, in school, in work, in games, in music, and in whatever else it is. It also means that sometimes I am so focused on the performance of this simple tasks that I forget that people are involved. I will either forget people are involved or compare myself to them in a vicious manner to make myself better, or justify for why I am not better than them. I do the opposite of what AW Tozer challenges the believer to do: "Compare yourself with only Jesus."
Recently, I experienced this competition rising in me in ministry. It was at a prayer meeting in which I was supposed to be leading and another member starting operating in their gifting, shifting the direction of our prayer time. At first, I had no problem with this because of how powerful this direction was in leading to multiple healings and seeing a leg grow out! Come on! Then I realized that I was envious of this person. I wanted what they had. I was not content in just being, I needed to be able to DO what they did. I wanted out of my own skin and into another's because my being was not good enough, comparable to this other.
As I prayed through this, I realized something that was so crucial: the Church is family. I am not called to compete against brothers and sisters. I am not called to one-up, to attempt being the best. I am not called to this type of competition in which I outplay or outperform or outproduce my fellow family members. I am called to be loved, to love, and to simply be. My performance is not my purpose. A performance has already been done, a work has already been completed, and victory is secured.
Competition is crumpled by the reality that Christ has clothed us in victory and the only thing we are called to do is love together, celebrating differences, and imparting the uniqueness to one another. As I continued to reflect upon this occurrence, I came to the conclusion that I need not compete with this brother, but I ought to ask for him to impart to me what he has. I ought to celebrate his differences and I ought to share in his story that is common with my story, and vice versa. Competition correlates to hostility that is defeated in the open space of hospitality. This hospitality opens space for honor, grace, sharing, and love to take place in a present and aware manner of relationship.
In the long run, I guess that the competitive nature of my childhood has carried over into the aspects of my adulthood. My only prayer is that I consistently compete with myself to be open, to be aware, to be gracious, to share, to love, to receive, and to impart. In the words of Paul, my prayer is to align with his challenge in Romans 12:9-10, "Love should be shown without pretending. Hate evil, and hold on to what is good. Love each other like the members of your family. Be the best at showing honor to each other." In this manner, I pray that my competition would not be to outperform, to outproduce, or to outdo, but rather to be the best, together, in honoring and loving. Amen.
