Polishing Pride

polishing pride
by: Cam Beyenberg 

i live in tension
it’s like the sound of nails on a chalkboard
yet i can see what’s being scratched out
if i look hard enough
it’s like a ripple effect on Lake Placid
filled with still waters until one rock
sends mass panic in wave-sized reminders
that things are about to get real. 

you see i have two sides to this coin of my life.
somedays i try to serve two masters by rolling
on the center of this piece of metal
until a bump in the road.
because you know i could just listen
to those who love me and tell me not 
to touch the stove because it’s hot,
but yet i just have to experience it.

my tension is filled with the real and the false
reality and fantasy.
i live between my created intent,
my purpose, destiny, calling, and identity 
and what i am trying to earn.
i live between the river of pride
and the ocean of love, yet i know 
which is best for me, i know
which is best for those around me.

yet for some reason i stay in the middle, 
living somedays in love and choosing to ride the pride train others. 
you see pride is like hoarding treasures until they rust
pride is the rusted gold in the heart
it’s not to say that heart wasn’t gold from the start
but the only way to polish it is love
and frankly this heart is hardened not pumping blood
so rust has oxidized over the original intent 
created to beat with grace and hope fervent 
yet pride settles in like Jiminy Cricket 
speaking lies until i believe it
all the while my heart isn’t shining anymore
it just seems like a closed room, lights off, closed door
no longer illuminating just by being present
now its lackluster rust is corroding and denting
the lives around mine with this false self
like a book with the wrong dust cover on the shelf
i wasn’t born for thoughtless, false-self-filled action
i wasn’t created for rooted, undefined reaction

i was made to love. to ultimately respond

to presently know and eternally sound
like The Truth, the undoable and unexplainable 
like The Way, the infamous and sustainable 
like The Life, destroying fear and overcoming pride
this ride changes with one beat of the heart, one blink of the eye
moving from idle to eternity in 3 seconds,
one. rust is polished by this love that beckons,
two. my heart starts pumping blood that reckons.
three. pride is no longer my suit of armor
but rather love cloaks my frame harboring 
my life in glorious illuminssence 
the gold of my heart shines a message
proclaiming that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s pride
and just a disclaimer, i’m done wit that ride
because this heart of gold is a heart of love
no longer corroded by pumping light from blood
because my heart pumps with the flow of love
it’s this never-ending flood 
of who i really am and what i am called to be
and tonight i tell you this story because i’m free, 
and well, i also want to you to be.