Are We What We Feel?
This week I have been fighting certain feelings and emotions that have bombarded my heart and mind from a recent injury. On Tuesday during a staff fun day with the new congregation I'm serving in, I may have torn my meniscus while river rafting. I'm still uncertain of what caused this, although I am sure it is an attack and an attempt to distract me from the purpose and vision that God has placed upon my wife and me to move to Washington in this season.
Long story short, after hours of phone calls for health insurance stuff, multiple appointments, x-rays, physical exams, McMurray tests, and more phone calls, I have been left feeling exhausted, sad, alone, unknown, unheard, inadequate, and unloved. I don't know which is a worse nightmare, communicating with healthcare providers (sorry if that's your job and thank you) or starting to believe that I am what I am feeling?
Throughout this week these emotions have not just been what I have felt, but they have slowly evolved into what I think about myself. These sentiments have turned from me feeling alone to me believing I am alone. I would feel inadequate from insurance calls, but it would quickly escalate to me regarding myself as not enough.
In turn, I would isolate myself from the community because I not only felt alone but believed it about myself. Feeling inadequate and assuming I was not enough, I would enter into calls thinking the worst and belittle myself with negative self-talk before I had even talked with another person. This cycle of pain perpetuated into conclusions I made from temporary emotions I felt. In other words, I believed I was what I was feeling.
And how often do we do this? How frequent are we in allowing the things we go through to be the defining attributes for our lives? How regular are we in isolating ourselves when we feel alone or diminishing ourselves when we feel inadequate?
As I have continued to journey through this week, my posture each day has been to feel what I need to feel, to declare the truth, and to define myself not by circumstance, but by Love. Rather than thinking that taking every thought captive is pushing away emotions, I would embrace them and submit them to the One who created emotions. Instead of numbing away from feelings of sadness or inadequacy, I would hand them to the One whose hands were big enough to carry the sin of the world even with nail-pierced holes. And here's the thing, when I give what I feel into the Savior's hands, I find that they pass through and turn into something way more beautiful than my negative perceptions and attitudes.
I have found that in place of considering myself alone because I felt it, I would reach out to those around me to remind me that I am connected, seen, known, and loved. Isn't it ridiculous that when we are in need of our community, we tell ourselves that we don't need to be around people? The truth is that we are formed by the Triune God of Love who is Community Himself. We are built and designed for family relationships. Our feelings are real and valid for the moment, but they are not what define us. I may feel alone, but that doesn't mean I am alone or that I should be alone. I could be experiencing emotions of not wanting to be a burden by limping around with a group, but that doesn't mean that people don't want to be around me. In fact, when we press into the emotions AND into our community, we will find that the truth is that we are wanted and belong no matter what we may be feeling.
Another emotion I felt this week was feeling unable or disqualified because of an injury to my body. I have experienced thoughts of incompetence and ineligibility. And these have not stopped at just theories, but I have thrown them into my heart and my mind as proven laws. I was supposed to preach at my new church this Sunday and after injuring my knee I asked to pass this responsibility on to somebody else because I wouldn't be able to walk well or stand for long periods of time. Although this was a mature decision, I have felt incapacitated from preaching altogether.
I felt it, I believed it, and I sat in a lie. But, God's grace is so sufficient and permeated these identity lies to reveal the truth: although I might not be able to stand and preach on a stage, I can stand in His victory and proclaim His Word, Truth, and Gospel through other platforms.
So, here I am writing as a way of preaching. Presently, I proclaim to you the truth that I am not what I feel. I am not inadequate. I am the Beloved of God. I am not alone. I am connected and have a family and community who consistently reach out to me, and I to them. I am not unheard or unseen. I am entirely known and held in this season. I am not disqualified by a physical injury. I am eternally competent through my Savior's wounds. I am not unable to preach the Good News. I am more than able to declare the Gospel news at another podium. The sermon I had been working on is not wasted, but it is being refined as God continues to reveal more of His goodness and open doors for that Word to come forth in the right time.
Friends, we are consistently surrounded by feelings, emotions, and circumstances that attempt to define us. We live in a culture that states we are what we feel and that we should live our lives based on our temporary desires. Today, I boldly and confidently proclaim to you: we are not what we feel. We are who God says we are, and that is one who is loved, chosen, and called into eternal and abundant life. The enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy, but Christ has come to give us life in its fullness to overflow (Jn. 10:10 TPT).
With this said, here are some actions steps to feel what we need to, to combat these lies, and to live in the truth.
1. Don't Numb, Feel It
More often than not, I hear people say to push away emotions or disregard their feelings. Emotions are unreliable, and we should never listen to them. Here's the deal: we are emotive beings. Our feelings are pointing toward something happening in our hearts and minds. If we don't experience them, we will never get to the root from which they are coming. When Jesus was being crucified, He was offered a cup filled with wine and myrrh (Mk. 15:23), but He did not receive it. Why? Because this concoction was a pain-numbing drink given to those in the ancient world to dull the pain of the crucifixion process. Jesus did not callous Himself to the experience of this suffering though. He embraced it all and gave us an example of understanding emotion: don't numb, feel it all. And when we feel it all, we are better able to give it to the One who has felt it too (Heb. 4:14) and has proclaimed the truth in the midst of what we feel.
2. Hand It to Jesus and Ask for the Truth
Rather than embracing the emotions and defining yourself through them, hand them to Jesus and ask Him what He thinks about you. Instead of proclaiming that you are unloved because you feel that way, ask Him what the truth is about you. In place of identifying through a fleeting desire or a temporary feeling, ask the Lord for the eternal perspective of how He sees you, how He feels about you, and who you really are. Take those emotions that you have felt and hand them to Jesus. Ask Him to transform them and to create something new from them. Inquire of the Lord what He wants to make from them. Maybe ask for a painting, a poem, a picture, a new word, or something else that would creatively proclaim the truth. God is in the business of making all things new, and we can join in that newness if we would only participate in a relationship with Him.
3. Slow Down, Speak The Truth and Do the Opposite of What You Normally Do
There's a fantastic psycho-educational curriculum out called "MarriageStrong" (for married couples) and "RelateStrong" (for singles). The basic premise of it is to learn your history of pain, your coping mechanisms, and to combat them by rewiring your brain with truth and new activities. It looks at the cycles of pain that we have learned and created from other relationships, as well as the cycles of peace we can live in according to the truth and truth-based conduct. The key to get from pain to peace and live in truth is what they call the "Four Steps." They are simple, and I believe revolutionary for all relationships.
These steps are:
A. Say What You Feel (Unloved, Unsafe, Not Enough, Powerless, etc.)
B. Say What You Normally Do (Blame Others, Shame Yourself, Control, Avoid, etc.)
C. Say The Truth (I am loved, I am enough, I can make choices, I am safe, etc.)
D. Say What You Will Do Differently and Do It (I will encourage others or myself, I will allow a give-and-take in my relationships, I will engage, etc.)
As we practice these steps, we are moving our brains into a posture in which we can make rational decisions from a place of truth and logic. This is hard, but effective the more we practice it. When we feel alone, we can merely proclaim we are connected and then engage with others. When we feel unloved, we can declare that we are loved, love ourselves, and then better love those around us. This list can go on and on, but you see the point. Slow down, speak out the truth, and do the opposite of what you usually do. We may find that we are not what we feel and that there's a whole lot more peace available than what we can see in our emotions.
Beloved, there's truth, and there's peace. His name is Jesus, and He has defined us with His great love and eternal declaration of hope through the cross and resurrection. We are not what we feel. We are who God says we are and we are loved. More than you know and more than I know. And that's all we need to know. Amen.
"Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: 'These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God's eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity, and held safe in an everlasting belief." -- Henri Nouwen, Life of the Beloved
