What We Say Matters
I recently stumbled upon a hilarious meme about grammar and why the way we say things matters greatly. Check it out below...
What, why, when, and how we say stuff matters. All too often during the shifting circumstances in our world, people will run to the phrases they have heard but have never researched fully to cope and ease others' emotions. We are in one of those seasons currently.
With the various responses connected to the COVID-19, I have seen many Christians say things in manners that have good intentions but bad outcomes. I wanted to take a moment to talk about the reality that our words matter, and that we need to be careful in how, when, what, and why we speak.
What
First, we can't talk about words without the Word.
James 3:2-12 states, "3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.9 With the tongue, we praise our Lord and Father, and with it, we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both freshwater and saltwater flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."
In other words, do you kiss your mother with that mouth? But for real, James is exhorting this early group of Christians to recognize that they should not be double-minded in their speech to the Lord and others. His call to them was to align their words with the Word and to speak in a way that would lead not to destruction and fires that kill, but to construction and fires that refine.
I guess we can land on the truth that what we say really does matter.
When and How
And believe me, we can have every intention to speak blessing, but when and how we say it matters.
Proverbs 27:14 states, "If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse."
In other words, when and how we say it matters. Don't wake up your neighbor with loud shouts of blessing before their alarm goes off. Be a good neighbor and love them well. Bless them when they are awake. ;)
Why
Finally, why we say things matters immensely. Are we doing it to get something from the Lord or from other people? Or are we doing it from a pure heart?
Jesus tells us a parable in Luke 18, "9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’ 13 “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’ 14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
We are called not recognize through this story that the reason why we say things is not to prove how great we are or how much we know, but how humbled we are by the Lord. I'm not trying to show you how smart I am and how much you need help. My goal is to reveal I need help and I've come to the only One who can help, and I'm humbly submitting this to you as well.
Another way of saying this is a theological term called "epistemological humility", or holding to what we believe in humility and openness to others. It means I believe Jesus is the only Savior, and I humbly submit this to anybody who would like to have a conversation about differing views.
What, how, when, and why we speak matters. With this foundation, I wanted to take the opportunity to talk about a few phrases that, although have been extended to be helpful, can be more destructive than encouraging. Take some time to read and pray through them. If you disagree, I'd love to talk more.
1. God is in Control vs. God is in Charge.
As a way to quench fear in this season, and ultimately, as a way to bypass the pain attached to circumstances such as loss, death, divorce, and other grieving experiences, people throw out the term "God is in control". It doing so, they are trying to remind those around them that God will take care of it because He is all-powerful and Sovereign. They are trying to relay the truth that God is good and bringing forth goodness in their lives even during their tragedy.
However, what is also implied in stating that God is in control is that God caused this to happen. God is in control reveals that God providentially planned out all of this (tragedy included) for the greater purpose of redemption. This is true in regard to God's plan for redeeming our sin through Jesus and the pain that Jesus took on our behalf. But when we take this into every minute detail of our lives, we believe God is the author of rape, child molestation, genocides, and all other evil in the world, including sin and death.
However, when we look to the Scriptures we see that humanity chose to sin out of the free will they were given in the garden (Gen. 2-3). We see that God was not the One who caused death and dismay to Job, but the Devil was (Job 1). We see that God is all-good, all-loving, all-powerful and that His Sovereignty does not imply that He controls everything, but that He reigns in all things.
I would submit to you that a healthier and more Scriptural phrase to state in the midst of our lives is that God is in charge, not control. God charged humanity to live according to His will, but we did not. God charged the Israelites to stay true to His covenants, but they did not. God charged us to love one another and live holy lives, but we can choose to do so or not do so.
The Lord gave us a choice through His grace to receive salvation in Christ or not to. God, who is in charge, knows what will happen, but it's not because He planned every detail, it's because He is a Perfect Father who knows each person He created.
Parents know this the best. If a parent were to place a plate of cookies in front of a child and tell them not to eat them, then leave the room, the parent would know the child is going to eat the cookies, even though they told the child not to eat them. The Good News is that redemption and grace are offered to the child still.
God knows all things, charges us to live in His love and connection through Jesus Christ and continues to empower us by grace to do so.
I would suggest that a healthier statement in the midst of our tragedies and lives is to remind one another that God is in charge, not in control. When I hear God is in control, it takes away my choice and ultimately, love is not love without choice. When I hear God is in charge, I believe I am empowered to seek the Lord's will and to actively make decisions in alignment with His Kingdom. God is in charge, friends.
2. God is Using This vs. God is Redeeming
When we say that God is using this situation to bring goodness about in our lives, we are trying to point to the reality that God really does make good out of the things in our lives that are evil, sad, and tragic. However, much like stating that God is in control, the phrase God is using this implies that He brought it about.
Romans 8:28 states, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Many people would tie "God is using this" and "Everything happens for a reason" back to this verse. I would suggest that this verse, in the context of the persecution of the Roman Christians, gives us healthier language that points to God, who is in charge, redeeming things that we have chosen or that have happened to us.
Samuel warns the Israelites in 1 Kings 8 that the king they are asking for is not the Lord, who is the true King. He informs them that this king would take and use their children for whatever he wanted. God is the True King and He doesn't use His children, He empowers them by being with them.
God is not using your experiences to bring about His goodness. God is redeeming your experiences, which happened by your choices or others' choices (including the effects of sin and death), and is making good out of evil. God is a Good Father and He is empowering us and bringing goodness about in our lives by being with us.
3. Family First vs. Love Your Neighbor
In this season, people are really pressing into this phrase of "take care of your family first". Believe me, I would lay my life down for my wife. I want to see the best for my biological family and for her's. I love my family and on the list of my priorities, they are very high.
I also recognize that Jesus pointed to the Greatest Commandments being loving God with everything and loving our neighbors as we love ourselves (Mt. 22:36-40). My closest proximity neighbors are of the utmost priority. Moving forward.
I also see Jesus instruct His disciples in Luke 14 to come to Him and hate their father, mother, wife, children, etc. This isn't our command to hate one another, but recognize that if we love our families more than the Lord, we are making idols out of them.
In fact, Jesus teaches a group who told Him that his mother and brothers came to see Him that His mother and brothers are those who hear and practice God's Word (Lk. 8:21).
What I believe would be helpful for us is recognizing that as much as we have been conditioned in the Western world to believe that our biological families are the first we are called to care for, the family of God is our first call. The least of these brothers and sisters around us (Mt. 25). The widow and the orphan (Jms. 1:27). The poor and the broken. Our call is to care for those who God calls us to care for and to not give bias based on race, gender, socio-economic status, or any other identifying factor.
Our call, simply put, is to love God and love EVERY neighbor as we love ourselves. Every family derives its name from the Father. Love them with the Father, Son, and Spirit.
4. This Will Be Over Soon vs. Be Present in Hope
This last phrase battle I have seen arise more often as people are becoming numb to the shifting sands of this COVID-19 pandemic. We are seeing many folks start to become overwhelmed with the information, the changes, and the mandates put forth. Because we are finite human beings, we are numbing out from this all and turning to funny memes, and catchy phrases like, "This will be over soon."
And this is not just used for this circumstance, but many try to bypass the stages of grief by looking forward and escaping the pain of the present. In fact, "this too shall pass" is not in the Bible and the Scriptural call is not to escape the present but to be present in the future with a living hope for the future nonetheless.
Jeremiah writes to exiles in Jeremiah 29 to tell them they would be in exile for 70 years. He instructs them to settle down, plant crops, reproduce families, AND to seek the Lord for His hope and future.
Paul tells the Romans (12:12) in the midst of their persecution to “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer”.
Our call is to have optimism in the Lord and to remain present with Him in all things. How can we experience the Presence of God if we are never present?
In Mark 15:23, Jesus is offered a numbing agent so that He wouldn't feel the pain of the present moment on the cross. He rejected that and accepted our pain so that we could have the fullness of freedom. Jesus never numbed and He invites us into full life. Not a life fully numb, a life abundant in Him.
I would suggest that our phrase should shift from "this too shall pass/this will be over soon" to "Be present in hope". I would feel much more empowered to engage with the Lord and others around me, rather than constantly looking for a way to numb from all the things happening in life. God is big enough to handle my emotions, your emotions, and the world's emotions. Let's be present with Him as He does so and redeems all things for His glory.
Again, what, how, when, and why we say it matters. My hope is that these thoughts would stir something in your heart to press into a deeper place with the Lord so that we may encourage a broken and hurting world to the only source of freedom, healing, and hope: JESUS.
And believe me, our words are not always going to be perfect. I struggle with finding the right way to verbalize things all the time. The goodness of God is that, sometimes, it's not about what, how, when or why we say it, it's just simply about Who we say it about. So, I'm inviting you to partner with me as steward our words to the point to the Word in every season. His name is Jesus, and how we talk about Him matters. Amen.
