Stay True
I recently celebrated seven years of being married to the most brilliant, beautiful, caring woman I know. She has more stickers for her planner than I've ever seen in my life. She is a doctor, psychologist, and rockstar. She also carries the titles of dog mom, seeker of justice, and Swifty. I'm blessed, to say the least, and I'm grateful for the years of growth through the challenging opportunities that we've lived through together.
Many people refer to the seventh year of marriage as the "seven-year-itch". If you make it past this year, they claim, you're set up for the rest of your life in marriage. I would argue that this is not true at all, especially because research would point to that being in the fourth or fifth year. Mainly, I would disagree because upholding vows and covenant is an everyday choice, regardless of year or season.
I would also assert that keeping vows is not a key principle in our society. From my perspective, the western mindset is not longer as fixated on keeping vows as it once was. In fact, divorce rates in my lifetime have neared close to 60%, but more recently dropped dramatically due to a major decrease in the number of marriages happening. In other words, change takes place. And I don't know many who would run straight into the uncertainty and constant modification.
(This is not a blanket statement. I know many whose reality is filled with abuse, infidelity, mental illness, and other contributing factors...) I've noticed in the shifting, people will either swing to the mindset of divorce (not keeping vows) or practice the one-night-stand culture (not making vows). There are some other pieces to this puzzle including faithfully keeping vows or keeping vows out of law and not love, but for the sake of this blog, I'll keep our focus on the first two sides of the spectrum mentioned.
As a millennial, I know I'm part of a generation full of passion, opinion, activism, and insight of the past and present partnered with hope for the future. However, I've also seen a lack of commitment to follow through. For example, I remember how big Invisible Children was growing up and how many of my friends were involved, buying apparel, and giving what they had to help displaced orphans in Africa. Today, I don't know any of my friends still committed to this cause. It almost feels like a one-night-stand with social justice took place and now that that piece of activism is no longer as attractive, comfortable, or convenient, it's time to move on to the next cause.
I've seen this permeate the church in the ideas of a 'relationship' with Jesus that really looks more like a one-night-stand. People say "YES" to Jesus one time and then live their lives without ever talking to Him again. This is not covenant. This is not true relationship. This is not what Jesus died for and it's not how we should live.
On the other side of the pendulum, when the going gets tough, vows seem less important to keep. Divorce becomes the only option when we've lost sight of our original intent and commitment. We've pledged to one person 'until death', but over the years we've made other promises to various partners that become more meaningful than our first.
Think about it this way: Jesus doesn't answer our prayer the way we wanted...we're done. They don't think the way I think or vote the way I vote...I'm gone. We solemnly swear to whatever makes us feel good, look good, and live easy, rather than staying committed to the things that refine us, sharpen us, and help us live holy.
In short, our view of commitment as a society is limited to feelings of what is comfortable and convenient, or to committing for a temporary time only if it benefits us.
I believe, more than ever, that our call to stay committed is of the utmost importance at this time. Our world is filled with uncertainty, alternating opinions, historical and complicated divisions, and unstable understanding of our vows.
So, I'm writing to exhort the reader to keep your vows. Of course, things change and maybe your vows need to be reworded or renewed. So, do it and then stay committed. The last thing the world needs is a bunch of Christians who reveal a God who promotes the one-night-stand culture, rather than the Kingdom culture Jesus revealed.
Here are some ways you can keep your vows.
Revisit Your Vows
We are forgetful people. We ask where our keys are located when they are in our hands. We look for our glasses when they are on top of heads. And we look to make other vows when the maker of covenant dwells within us. Revisiting our vows to the Lord, our spouses, the Church, and others must be a daily choice of reminding our forgetful hearts of who we pledged to, what we vowed, and why we first spoke our promises. Revisit your oaths and speak them out, again.
Practice What You Preach
One of the best ways to keep vows is to practice them. It's one thing to write vows that woo and romanticize the pleasures of commitment, and it's one thing to actualize those professions over the long haul. It's one thing to do these things when everything feels great and looks great, it's another thing to stay in the trenches and fight to honor the word you gave. Make it a daily practice of revisiting vows and thoughtfully implementing space for you to do them.
Change With The Change
Things shift. Seasons come and go, people change, and circumstances are different. What we once vowed might have to change with the changes. I'm not saying we need to change our vow to love, or our promise to seek justice. I am saying that as we gather more information, experience more transformation, and grow, we must change with the change by revisiting our vows, recommitting to promises, and modifying things to match the times. For instance, you might have pledged for 'richer or poorer' at your wedding, but now your vow can be 'whether we own this house or not, I choose you because where you are is where I am home.' Passions might ebb and flow, attraction to causes might seem lost, yet if we vowed to the Lord, we must adapt along the way and stay centered in His Word and our commitment.
Live In The Truth
One of the biggest things that gets in the way of keeping vows is losing sight of the truth. The person we vowed to, the project we pledged to finish, and the cause we promised to see change might all lead to feelings of pain and lies. Suddenly, (and again, not a blanket statement) we find ourselves believing lies that we have falsely connected to people, phrases, or performances. All the while, the Lord has been constantly breathing out the truth over His children and calling us to walk on the only firm foundation of freedom and life. Revisit the truth, pledge yourself to the truth, speak it out, and vow to live it in. The truth will set you free (Jn. 8:32).
With that stated, I want to give you a brief example of commitments I am revisiting and speaking out again as an oath to the Lord and vow to others.
Commitments
I am committed to the truth that God is love and that God loves me.
I am pledged to the reality that Jesus displayed this love for me by coming on the earth, dying in my place, being buried on my behalf, being raised from the grave, and inviting me into eternal life now and forevermore. I receive these truths and promise to live them out.
I am resolved that there is a call on my life to be loved by God and in return, to love God, love others as myself, and to make disciples of every nation, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and to teach them to obey everything Jesus commanded us.
I am devoted to living in the fullness of intimacy with the Lord.
I am faithfully pursuing to treat His children as family.
And, I am dedicated to awakening this world to the love of God in Christ Jesus.
I am sold out to the leadership of the Holy Spirit in every area of my life and give myself over to complete dependence on the Lord.
I am devoted to teaching the Word of God, praying for healing until healing happens, and prophesying over the Beloved.
I vow to love my wife as Jesus loved the Church in serving, respecting, mutually submitting to, honoring her, and keeping Jesus first in all things.
I am resolved to see equality between men and women in leadership and governance in the Church as called and gifted by God.
I am committed to seeing all races live and worship together in a celebration of diversity and unity in Christ Jesus.
I faithfully pledge to live in peace and truth.
I believe I am loved, connected, celebrated, creatively capable, forgiven, and free.
I am not what I feel. I am not what others say about me. I am who God says I am and His Word is the final Word.
These are some things I have recently revisited and needed to rededicate my heart and focus on. What about you? What words have you spoken that you have fallen away from? To what things are you practicing that you need to increase your level of commitment?
Now more than ever, we need to be people who keep their vows. Our witness of faithfulness to the world in the midst of constantly changing opinions, divisions, and convenience-oriented relationships/practices provides stability and points to the only truth that will set free: the Gospel of Christ Jesus.
Stay true, friends. Amen.
