Babies and Bath Water
The first time I heard the phrase “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” was in college. I had never heard this idiom before but quickly learned the meaning. It’s an expression that gives caution to those who eliminate something good while trying to get rid of something bad.
This was shocking to me, not in the sense of the definition, but in terms of the language used to describe it. How could anyone throw a baby out with dirty bathwater? How could we mistake something as pure, innocent, and beautiful as an infant for the things we are trying to reject?
The more I’ve grown, the more I’ve seen how easy this is to do. We’re all guilty of it too, but I’ll start with that one guy in the mirror…
When I see specific voices in the church who I know to be from certain theological traditions, more often than not, I throw the baby out with the bathwater.
When I read distinct language used on social media that points to particular political parties (both right and left), I tend to throw the baby out with the bathwater.
When I hear popular or misused terms used to talk about positions or opinions…yep, baby and bathwater.
When I get shared videos from certain sources, most of the time I throw the baby out with the bathwater.
When someone tells me that they researched from only one source, Wikipedia, or a politically biased news base, I most definitely throw the baby out with the bathwater.
Now hear me out on this: when I say I’m throwing the baby out with the bathwater, it’s because I see some things that are dangerous, damaging, biased, misinformed, etc., and I’m putting up a wall of defense and assuming that I will be wasting precious time if I listen, watch, read, or converse. However, when I do this I miss the opportunity to listen, to understand, to connect with others, to hear opposing points of view, and to see how God’s grace is active and redeeming all of us.
There is a doctrine in Wesleyan theology known as “prevenient grace.” This is the grace of God that is in our lives before we are in relationship with Jesus. This grace “goes before” and empowers us to respond to the One who came to seek and save the lost (Lk. 19:10). This grace reveals God’s love in Christ Jesus demonstrated to us through the atoning sacrifice of the cross, His death and burial, and His resurrection before we knew what love was (Rms. 5:6-8; 1 John 4:8-10, 19). This grace gives light to everyone and draws all humanity to God in Christ (Jn. 1:9; Jn. 6:44; Jn. 12:32; Titus 2:11).
Andrew Dragos defines prevenient grace as “that which Paul speaks of in Acts 17:26-27, where the purpose of God’s providence in history is that persons would seek him and know him. In this way, prevenient grace is the presence of God in time and space—in all places and all times—preparing the world for the hearing of the Gospel.”
The beautiful reality of God’s grace is that it is for everyone, it covers us, it empowers us, and it brings good out of the most evil, dark, dead, and unexpected places.
One area of theological study that prevenient grace can be helpful for our understanding is with regards to the theology of religions. A question that we can ask is, “If every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows (Jms. 1:17),’ then how do we explain good coming from other world religions, non-believers, and others?” The answer: God’s prevenient grace at work in covering, empowering, and acting upon ALL people to bring good in the midst of our world’s mess.
I write all of this to say that when we throw the baby out with the bathwater, we are denying that God’s grace can reach into all places and redeem things we have declared as “irredeemable.” When we completely reject an opposing view, tune out somebody who disagrees with us or pass over a person or situation that is uncomfortable, we miss out on the opportunity of God’s grace to learn something new, to engage with another person, or to grow outside of our comfort zone.
I’ve seen some areas in which I witnessed the people of God respond by throwing the baby out with the bathwater recently, and I believe our call is to become aware, to make amends, and to rise up in a new way of loving God, loving each other, and making disciples.
One fresh hot topic has been how Christians and certain denominations have responded to Critical Race Theory (CRT). The Southern Baptist Convention and many other Christians have vehemently disagreed with CRT, and I’ve even seen people saying that CRT is incompatible with the Christian faith altogether. I’ve witnessed social media wars, divisive in-person communication, and lots of blame-shifting from this theory.
Now, I definitely don’t agree with everything from CRT, yet I also can’t dismiss the fact that God can bring redemption and helpful insights as we search and test everything through the lens of Jesus and His Word. In fact, when one reads through the tenants of CRT they might actually find things that can be helpful in the midst of our divided world. They will also find that specific pieces of the theory are not helpful and further prove specific Scriptural stances that Christians hold regarding racial relations.
The key here is actually digging into the material and understanding, regardless of agreeing or disagreeing. It’s hard to disagree with something we’ve never read or listened to, but the sad reality is that because of what certain voices, leaders, videos, or people have stated, the theory has not been heard and ultimately the baby is tossed out with the bathwater.
It seems imprudent to me for people to claim that a theory is completely unhelpful without prayerfully reflecting on it, asking the Lord what we can learn, and then calling out what is harmful and what is helpful. For more information on staying calm about CRT, Robert Vischer has written an incredibly thoughtful article here. Again, I’m not asserting everything in CRT is truth. I am claiming that I’ve seen God’s grace take pieces from it to help Christians take steps forward in reconciling with one another.
Another area I've seen Christians throw the baby out with the bathwater is with regards to science. I’ve seen people use science to prove only their points while disregarding the other facts. I’ve witnessed people talk about science as if it has nothing to offer humanity at all. Being married to a therapist, we experience this latter view of science, especially psychology, on a daily basis. There seems to be a stigma surrounding psychology and many modalities used to bring healing to people.
Again, I think it goes without saying that I don’t agree with every psychological practice or viewpoint, but I am submitted to the Lord and have seen His grace move powerfully through MANY psychological tools. In fact, I receive therapy monthly, it has helped me incredibly in my connection with Jesus, and I think lots of folks should be open to receiving healing through seeing a counselor.
One piece of psychology that I’ve seen the baby thrown out with the bathwater is connected to mindfulness. Mindfulness is the state of being aware of something and in the field of psychology, there are many techniques to help people with a wide variety of histories to be more grounded, rooted, and anchored in the present moment.
Now some of these practices have roots in Buddhist prayer traditions and focuses on breathing. Because of this, I’ve seen great pushback against mindfulness in general. I find it so interesting that when we actually look at the practices and practice them in connection with the Lord, we are simply getting more deeply anchored in Jesus, focusing on the Breath of God (Holy Spirit), and becoming more present in God’s Presence.
The sad reality is that before anybody has a chance to experience the healing and help available in mindfulness or other psychological models, the voices of leaders and many others have discredited the whole system, and many are left without these insightful tools. It would do us well to prayerfully consider, research, and open ourselves to what the Lord is calling us to as He is offering us full life, freedom, and connection.
One last area where the baby has been thrown out with the bathwater is in the realm of politics. I honestly feel like a broken record here, yet the topic of politics seemingly continues to be a contentious conversation in nearly every sphere of our lives. The sad thing to me is that with one phrase, mention, share, like, comment, or another action one side pushes away the other side to create a greater divide in the political gap of our nation. The baby of genuine relational connection is thrown out with the bath water of politics before any honest, thoughtful conversation takes place.
Recently, I’ve witnessed the atrocious actions of political partisans using the deaths of many people and the reports of specific events as ways to push forward their political beliefs.
In wake of the shootings happening across the United States, folks miss the call to mourn with those who are mourning and instead find space to either “fight for their second amendment rights” or to “fight for stricter gun regulations.”
As people of color, and more specifically, Asian-Americans, have spoken up about their experiences, lines have been crossed in the sand of attributing these voices to Marxist movements or neglecting these stories to keep things normal.
With the recent story of Dante Wright in Minnesota, people have quickly tried to defend the police or defund the police.
As ex-police officer Derrick Chauvin was found guilty of manslaughter, I saw shouts of victory for justice and shouts of anger for anti-police rhetoric. And if one celebrated justice, they were automatically grouped with those who “hate law enforcement." If one stood up against anti-police rhetoric, they are clumped with “uneducated racists.”
As much as some of these things are true, I’m realizing that babies are being thrown out with the bathwater, and no matter what side we find ourselves on we cannot miss the reality that these are not just stories, political views, or issues. These are real people with real stories and real names. These are not just a means for us to get our desired political goal. These are human beings made in the Image of God who are full of the same worth you and I have.
Beloved, I could go on and on about a list of items in which the baby is thrown out with the bathwater. Our simple Gospel call is that we must come back to a recognition that God’s grace is better, bigger, and reaches farther than we know. We must realize that He can take the things we call impossible, irredeemable, and unforgivable and turn them into something beautiful. We must look through the lens of Jesus at the things in our lives and prayerfully take off the lenses that are hindering us from seeing His grace at work. We must consider that the issues, circumstances, and most importantly, people, we are talking about are not just metaphoric babies and bathwater, but they are somebody’s baby too.
We would do well to reflect on the gracious invitation to be a child of the Most High King and recognize the powerful, precious, and esteemed honor it is to call on God as Abba Father. As we live like a child, we may just find that we can see other children and opportunities of grace in the midst of the bathwater. After all, the Gospel truth is that the Lord took an orphan like me, covered in filth, stuck in some dirty bathwater, and washed me in His blood, adopted me as His own child, covered me in His amazing grace, and freed me in His cleansing love. To that lens of the Gospel and that hope of finding God’s goodness and grace in the midst of our darkest, dirtiest, and most divided places, I write and pray. Amen.
