Resilience
Opportunities for Resilience
With tears in his eyes, he stood up, offered me a hug, and said, “You don’t deserve this.” This was the conclusion to a meeting in which I thought we’d be discussing my ministry description but instead, I was handed a same-day notice of the ending of my employment. In a moment, our life was changing and we didn’t know what to do.
Just three weeks earlier, my wife and I welcomed our sweet boy into this world. The immense joy of holding this precious child in our arms was palpable. We spent days and nights singing, praying, and rejoicing together over the gift of life. During a time in which we felt such gratitude and excitement for the present and the future, we had the proverbial rug pulled from under our feet.
We got back home and the pain flooded our hearts. Betrayal, rejection, manipulation, injustice, and many other emotions and experiences came to the surface. We tried to contact family, friends, and co-workers, and could barely muster the words to inform them about what had happened. They were just as confused and disheartened as we were.
The ensuing days were filled with visitors who were still coming to meet our new child and bring meals, but now the additional topic of conversation was added to the agenda of these visits. There were also follow-up meetings filled with excuses, lies, and haphazard ‘apologies’.
In the midst of all these occurrences, all we knew was that God was with us, God was for us, and God had been preparing us for how He would take such an awful decision and transform it by His grace into something beautiful.
One of the mornings of that week, we woke up to our semi-normal routine. As my wife fed our son, we put on YouTube Music and a new song by Elevation Worship came on. It was called “Lamb” and I felt the Lord’s Presence and comfort as I held my son in one arm and raised my other in worship. The lyrics speak of Jesus, the Lamb, receiving the reward of His suffering. This phrase is believed to have originated with the Moravians who were an eclectic group of German pietists that prayed 24/7 and sent missionaries all over the world. Recognizing that they were the reason Jesus died and that they were the reward of the Lamb’s suffering, they lived for one purpose: to see the Lamb receive His reward in them and in all.
God had spoken to me through this phrase years before, so much so that my calf holds a tattoo of the Moravian seal that shouts this praise. And once again, God spoke to me through this moment of broken worship. While we felt so vulnerable and uncertain, the Lord reminded me that He wasn’t done with us and called me to stand firm in the resilience of the Lamb. This resilience wasn’t based on what we could offer, it wasn’t based on the house we lived in or the jobs we held, it wasn’t based on anything of our merit, it was based on the worthy Lamb who laid down His life for all. Resilience was simply rooted in this: Jesus gave His life for us and that gift didn’t change based on what was changing in our lives.
Interestingly, it was that same week that I received a call about a pastoral opportunity at the church in which we currently serve (that’s another blog altogether). And that call presented our family the opportunity to remain resilient and keep our eyes fixed on the Lamb no matter what had happened, was occurring, or would come.
I write all of this not in opposition or attack against anybody, but rather to point out the immense calling that all believers in Christ have to remain faithful and resilient. In today’s world and culture, it seems that when the going gets tough, people give up. We blame, we cancel, and we avoid. Our contemporary society does not like to build the muscles of resilience, resolve, and reconciliation, because they are not convenient. But again, resilience is not just a virtuous characteristic, but also a calling for Christ followers.
What is Resilience?
In fact, in both the Old and New Testaments, we see this call for God’s people to be faithful and resilient. Joshua is told by the Lord to be strong and courageous (Josh. 1:9). Empowered by God’s Spirit, Azariah tells King Asa to be strong and not give up as Asa was reforming Judah to come back to the ways of the Lord (2 Chronicles 15). The Psalms and Prophets are filled with declarations about God filling those who trust in Him with strength, hope, and faithfulness (Ps. 31, 37; Is. 40-43; to name a few).
The New Testament holds encouragements for Christ followers to be resilient and faithful in almost every book and letter. Jesus not only calls His disciples to stand firm until the end (Mt. 24) but to practice various postures of resilience such as holding firm to His Word even in the storms (Mt. 7), denying ourselves, picking up our cross, and following Him (Mt. 16:24-25), and to take heart (have hope) in the midst of tribulation (Jn. 16:33). Jesus even goes so far as to warn His disciples of wars, famines, and persecution that they would endure but encourages them to know the one who “stands firm to the end will be saved (Mt. 24:13).”
Finally, the main exhortation to the original audience of Revelation was for them to be faithful, even to the point of death (Rev. 2:10). This call to faithfulness was a call to become resilient in the midst of the massive oppression the early Christians were facing from the Roman Empire. The way to overcome this persecution was not to raise swords back against the empire but to raise their resilience and resolve to stand firm in the way of the Lamb. In fact, they were encouraged to know that “They triumphed over him (enemy) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death (Rev. 12:11).”
In other words, all throughout the Scriptural accounts there is a call to face the difficulties and challenges of life with a strong and faithful resilience. It was not a call to give up, or cancel and blame others, or avoid people and situations. This was and is a call to reject the convenience of running from the hard stuff and instead fix our eyes on the Lamb, allow His ways to become our ways, and face the ups and downs with a posture of hope.
Christian Moore writes it this way, “Becoming resilient starts with the realization that the adversity you experience—any pain, discrimination, or challenge—can be converted into powerful fuel that can actually bring opportunity.” ― Christian Moore, The Resilience Breakthrough
All of this to say, as followers of Jesus, we have an immense and clear call to be resilient. The APA defines resilience as “the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.” Corinne Williams defines resilience similarly and states that it is built up of eight key components. These include adaptability, emotional regulation, problem-solving, optimistic outlook, social support, self-care, growth mindset, and health coping skills.
In other words, resilience is the calling we have to approach the challenges of life in connection with God as we allow the Spirit to guide us, change us, and lead us into the good that God is making in our lives, situations, and world.
If you’re still with me, thank you. I think it’s clear by this point that the call to resilience is necessary and the definition of resilience helpful, but what does it take to become resilient?
Know Your Why
I am no expert and I’m definitely still growing my resilience muscles. What I have learned is that the first and most important step in becoming resilient is “knowing your why.” The comedian, Michael Jr., has an incredible video about the significance of knowing our why. His claim is that when we know what we are doing, we will get something done, but when we know why we are doing something, our what becomes more powerful and impactful.
The degree of difficulty may differ, but we will all face hard stuff in our lives. The difference between avoiding these challenges and facing them with resiliency is knowing our ‘why’. If we don’t know our purpose there will be no reason for us to adapt and grow in the midst of the storms of life. However, if we are aware of and operate from a driving force, we will not only be empowered to face the hard stuff but to push through it.
I was recently meeting with a mentor and discussing an incredibly painful circumstance with which I felt stuck, defeated, and hopeless. After telling him all the details, he hit me with “What a great opportunity.” I immediately thought that I needed to tell him my sob story again, but what I realized at that moment was that I had lost sight of my ‘why’. He was completely correct. The hardship before me was a great opportunity because it was going to lead to growth, connection, healing, and better systems and styles of communication. I just hadn’t seen it because I was missing my ‘why’.
My ‘why’ is Jesus. My purpose, passion, and motive are all anchored in His grace, Gospel, and goodness. I do the things I do because I am loved by the Almighty God and because I am empowered with that love to think, feel, act, and work in partnership with the Lord. When I remember this ‘why’ I live with resilience. When I forget this ‘why’ I either strive to burn out or throw in the towel.
Knowing our ‘why’ is what strengthens us to look at situations as opportunities. Our ‘why’ reminds us of our driving force and it propels us to stay faithful and to keep our eyes locked on what matters most.
Multiple times in Jesus’ ministry, He is presented with alternate directions, opportunities, temptations, and confrontations, but because He was anchored in His ‘why’ He was able to persist and remain steadfast. The resilience of our Savior shows us how to stay faithful and more importantly, why we stay faithful. The core motivation of Jesus was love and the ‘why’ of love gives us strength to meet our circumstances with a new lens of God’s goodness, grace, and ability to turn the impossible into an open door of opportunity.
Growth Mindset
When we know our ‘why’ we are better empowered to engage with difficult situations and relationships with a growth mindset. A growth mindset is the opposite of a fixed mindset. A growth mindset is how much a person believes that their intelligence or talents can be changed or improved while a fixed mindset is how much a person believes that these qualities are permanent.
This is the difference between looking at failure as a limit or a growth opportunity. This marks the gap between staying stuck and growing. Ultimately, a growth mindset and a fixed mindset are separated by the resilience of somebody.
Resilience and a growth mindset go hand in hand and allow a person to make changes, set boundaries, and consistently view life through the lens of hope. This doesn’t mean a person with a growth mindset is dismissing the negative of life, but rather that they are driven by their ‘why’ to approach hardships with an open heart and a frame of mind that is optimistic for growth.
This is vitally important because, in contemporary Christianity, there are many Christians who never engage with difficult things. They avoid the hard stuff, they cancel things and people they don’t agree with (or are told to not agree with), they blame others rather than look at the inner work that must be done, and a plethora of other escaping behaviors. This is a fixed mindset and a severe lack of resiliency to approach hardships with the faithfulness and openness God gives to us and calls us to participate in.
The development of a growth mindset takes place by consistently repenting, or changing our minds. This is the invitation of Jesus and the gift of God through the Spirit’s guidance and indwelling. We are strengthened to daily acknowledge that we need a new, hopeful, real, and eternal perspective for life, and it is not built on our striving, but given through the gracious work of our Lord. As we receive this and present our hearts and minds before the Lord, we are able to recognize that we might be stuck in a fixed mindset, and we need God’s help to move forward with an openness to situations and relationships and a fresh vision anchored in God’s truth.
David gave a model prayer in Psalm 139:23-24 (NIV) that states, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Our daily prayer and posture ought to be one of allowing the Lord to search us and guide us into the necessary changes, boundaries, and hope we have in Christ’s work. Simply admitting that we need a change is the first step in changing and giving space for a growth mindset and resilient lifestyle. Knowing our ‘why’ gives us the courage and passion to keep an open mind, to adapt, and to consistently look at things through the lens of eternity.
Bill Johnson writes it this way in God is Good, “We love to watch our teams play on TV, rooting, sometimes loudly, from our family room. Occasional shouts of joy are heard when our team does well, as well as deep groans of travail when they’ve done poorly. Our schedule doesn’t always allow us to watch games lives. Thankfully we’re able to record them and watch them at a later time. My wife and I are much different in our approach to watching a recorded game. She doesn’t want to know the outcome of the game before watching. She loves the process of the game, enjoying it as though it were live. I, on the other hand, want to know the outcome before I sit down to watch it. If my team lost, I usually don’t watch the game. While there is good reason for both approaches, mine gives me an advantage that fits well with the subject of mystery. If my favorite pitcher gives up a home run in the first inning of the game, or my team’s quarterback throws an interception on the opening drive, I already know it doesn’t change the outcome because my team has already won the game. There’s very little stress, if any, when I see my team make an error or fumble the ball. Why? I know the outcome. The one thing we’re assured of in walking with the Lord is the outcome. He has already recorded the score of the game in His book of records, and we win! Because of this, adversity, conflict, and problems need not lead to panic or despair. Knowing how things will turn out based on the promises of a good and perfect Father changes the nature of every day in my life.”
Because we know that God is able to work things for good we are able to approach situations that many see as impossible, unchanging, or hopeless with a heart of resilience and a growth mindset that boldly declares, “God is good,” and “This situation/relationship/etc. is an opportunity.”
Guideposts
Knowing our ‘why’ and developing our growth mindset will give us the courage to face the difficulties of life with resilience. But along the way, we might feel the temptation to return to our old patterns of avoidance, escaping, and fixed mindsets. Another important component of developing resilience in our lives is establishing and revisiting guideposts along the way.
A guidepost is a sign for travelers that gives directions or shows the way. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been on a hike and needed a guidepost to redirect me back to the correct route. It’s so easy to become distracted and lose our heading. Not to mention that moving off course by a only few degrees at the beginning of a journey leads to a major detour by the end of that adventure. But when we have guideposts, we have reminders, directions, and signs that give us the courage to stay on the narrow path and experience the growth of the journey and the beauty of the destination.
On the trail of life, we have the opportunity to drive our posts into the ground and put up these signs for us to stay faithful and build our resilience. Especially when things are difficult we need what Dean Harms refers to a guidepost as, “a conceptual, daily decision-making tool that supports execution as they are the direction markers that help you to decide to go “this way” and not “that way.”
As I have been doing my best to be resilient and stay on the right path, I’ve discovered that my guideposts are connected to both my mindset and my actions. My mindset will ultimately be the baseline for how I act. In other words, what I think is what I will do.
With that said, the daily guideposts that help me to build my resiliency muscles and stay steadfast amid life’s difficulties are God’s Word, prayer, worship (both music and service), community, and writing.
God’s Word is truth (Jn. 21:17) and makes us wise for salvation by teaching and correcting us in righteousness so that we can be equipped for every good work (2 Tim. 3:15-17). A day without God’s Word is like a day without oxygen (especially because God’s Word is God-breathed). The reminders of God’s grace throughout the Scriptures guide us to see through His lens and act in accordance with His faithfulness and resolve. God’s story is our guidepost and a directive for us to do the good work of resiliency each day.
Not only is a day without God’s Word a breathless day, but a day without prayer is as well. Henri Nouwen wrote about prayer saying, “In prayer, you encounter God not only in the small voice and the soft breeze, but also in the midst of the turmoil of the world, in the distress and joy of your neighbor, and in the loneliness of your own heart.
Prayer leads you to see new paths and to hear new melodies in the air. Prayer is the breath of your life that gives you freedom to go and to stay where you wish, to find the many signs that point out the way to a new land. Praying is not simply some necessary compartment in the daily schedule of a Christian or a source of support in a time of need, nor is it restricted to Sunday mornings or mealtimes. Praying is living. It is eating and drinking, acting and resting, teaching and learning, playing and working. Praying pervades every aspect of our lives. It is the unceasing recognition that God is wherever we are, always inviting us to come closer and to celebrate the divine gift of being alive.” Praying with our thoughts, words, and lives points us to the guideposts of God’s Presence and directs us to not only stay on the path but to stay connected to Jesus.
Worship is declaring who God is, declaring what God has done, is doing, and will do, and declaring who we are because of who God is and what God has done, is doing, and will do. Our daily guidepost of expressing God’s worth and work helps us to remember that God is always good, God is always at work, and God is always worthy. This is specifically important because when we face hard things these truths are sometimes lost to the difficulties before us. But in worship, we have a guidepost that strengthens us to sing, dance, serve, and love when we don’t feel like it.
Community isn’t an option. I would actually suggest that we cannot be in a full relationship with God if we are not in relationships with others who love Jesus. The calling for Christian community is of the utmost importance because within this community we find the gift of family relationships in which we can be encouraged, called out and called up, and challenged to be and do all God has called us towards. I schedule daily times to connect and pray with family and close friends. I prioritize weekly times of accountability and monthly times of mentorship. I also do my best to open myself to feedback from numerous people in my life on a regular basis. My community is a necessary guidepost and it’s a way in which I acknowledge I need God’s family to remind, direct, and encourage me to stay the course.
Lastly, writing is one of the first ways in which I experienced God’s Presence. At 16 years old, I had an encounter with the Lord and felt like I heard God say, “I want you to move from just knowing about Me, to knowing Me.” I immediately grabbed a pen and began to write. It happened to be my first sermon and I continue to make writing a normal rhythm in my life because it’s a guidepost for me in connecting me with Jesus, reminding me of His Presence, and giving me space to process hard things and receive the Spirit’s direction.
Coming back to the places, postures, or people that help us experience the Lord is of the utmost importance and should be prioritized as a guidepost on our pathway of resilience. For each one of us, our guideposts provide us with the direction, remembrance, and assurance that are necessary to stay faithful and face the hard stuff. Identifying these guideposts, centralizing them, and receiving their directions will aid us in embracing difficulty with an open mindset and courageous heart to move forward with resilience.
Keep Swinging
Our ‘why’, our mindset, and our guideposts will play absolutely crucial roles in developing resilience. In fact, they will all strengthen our ability to do what resilient people do: not give up.
Nelson Mandela once said, “Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” Resilience is not only the ability to face challenging situations with openness, support, and a good mindset but also it is simply the ability to keep swinging.
Hank Aaron is one of the best baseball players to ever play the game. He played in the MLB for 23 seasons and used to own the record for most home runs in a career. Hank Aaron not only played one of the most difficult sports to perform and achieve in, but he did so as a black man during the Civil Rights era. After Aaron’s death in 2021, many reports surfaced about him receiving almost 1 million pieces of mail with the vast majority of these letters being filled with hate, racism, and even death threats towards him and his family. Yet, in the midst of the challenging sport and the ongoing hatred of others, “Keep swinging” was always Aaron’s motto. Hank said, “Whether I was in a slump or feeling bad or having trouble off the field the only thing to do was keep swinging.” And he kept swinging with resiliency as he opened the door not only to the hall of fame but as he kept the door open for many players of color who have carried on his legacy.
So, keep swinging! Swing for the fences! Get your hopes up again! Don’t back down! Don’t give up! Keep on doing good! Why? Because the battle does not belong to us but to the Lord (2 Chronicles 20:15). Because God is making all things good (Romans 8:28). Because God is able to do abundantly more than we can imagine (Ephesians 3:20). Why? Because of Jesus.
It’s one thing to keep swinging when all is well but it’s another thing to not give up when it feels like all is against us. To be vulnerably authentic, after I received a same-day notice while on paternity leave, I didn’t feel like doing ministry or even attending a church. I didn’t want to experience that pain again and my trust had been broken toward leaders and friends.
Unfortunately, I’m not the only one who has experienced this type of situation in the church or otherwise. Our world is filled with an incredible amount of pain and an equal amount of hardships because of the decisions we make or decisions made that impact us. There are an innumerable amount of circumstances and relationships that will present us with the opportunity to throw in the towel or to keep swinging.
I’m not trying to belittle the hardships of life or make any difficulty trivial. I am trying to say that no matter what we face, our call is to resolve for resiliency. Why? Because Jesus is worthy. Because we have been given a tremendous gift of God’s grace. Because that grace turns the impossible into possibility. Because God’s Presence empowers us beyond where we feel stuck. Because the Lord is able to meet us in the hardships and strengthen us to face them with openness, courage, and a drive to never give up.
Les Brown is famous for saying, “You will win if you don’t give up.” Beloved, if you don’t give up, you win. Our victory has already been secured in Christ’s work and our giving up is a rejection of that victory. The call to resilience is one in which we faithfully commit to approach every challenge as an opportunity. It is an invitation to allow the Lord to transform, guide, and grow us through the hardships of life. It is an encouragement to know our ‘why’, to open our hearts and minds, to return to our guideposts, and to keep swinging. Why? Because God is good, God is with us, and God has promised us His victory.
Jesus said it this way in John 16:33, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Paul wrote about it this way, “7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body (2 Cor. 4:7-11, NIV).”
Each day is an opportunity to become more resilient. It’s a gracious chance to confront the ups and downs of life with the assurance that Jesus has overcome the world, that God is with us, and that we have all we need to face whatever may take place. Whether we face death, division, or any number of other difficulties, we carry the power of resurrection within us that strengthens us to be resilient. It may feel impossible and there may be insurmountable odds stacked against us, but we serve the God of miracles who is always working for good. That Lord is worthy and that King laid down His life for you and me to remain faithful and to be resilient.
Don’t give up, beloved. Our world may experience hardship and run in avoidance or point the finger to cancel or blame. But our call is to be resilient. Why? Our God is good, our God is worthy, and our God has already given us the victory. Amen.
